Hello World. Goodbye Hero.

Hello world…It’s me again. We talk everyday. But I’ve never documented our conversations until now. So here goes nothing.

I am  your average, everyday girl facing the man and trying to defy the rules even though most days gravity is definitely working against me. I am a Gemini…the exact description of them because I also have bipolar disorder. If you say you do not believe in astrological sciences, my case may very well make you a firm believer. My disorder is the connection (to me at least) between modern science and ancient philosophy.

Around five years ago I jumped through all the medical hoops. I took the drugs. Three different ones. SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) were my living nightmare. I was witnessing my life’s events as a third-party bystander. I was mentally trapped in a physical middle ground between my highs and lows. I tried each new miracle pill for four to six months each and with each change the experience grew worse and worse. I QUIT! After three years of playing crazy-pill roulette I quit! I traded in my prescriptions for an herbal supplement known as St. John’s Wort.

For at least a year I’ve refrained from having an manic episodes (it did take more effort than just supplements though). Shortly after my last episode, I was introduced to the female lead that would change my life: Carrie Fisher! I had never seen any part of the Star Wars series, but very quickly I adopted all of them because of Princess Leia: the female lead every girl craves. The more I learned about her, the more I adored her…completely. Her story is similar to mine and made it easy to chose never taking another crazy pill again!

In her lifetime, Carrie Fisher also tried many unsuccessful drugs that only further distorted her life and her body. She struggled to find the mental peace that is deemed “normal” and it came at a high price. But no matter what, she did not give up and continued to seek real peace without the drugs. The disorder is not who you are and she was proof. She went from the Princess who did not require rescuing to the General who helped rescue the Galaxy. Fictional, yes, but the example is not only grand for me, but for every little girl. Not only was her character such an important role model, but Carrie Fisher herself was and should always be an important role model. She was my role model. And my Hero.

Goodbye. You will be greatly missed, but even more remembered.


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